“This is a winner story…”

“…but since I don’t have a writing background, can you help me organize it?”

WTF? Me? Does anyone see Ms. Benevolence tattooed anywhere on my forehead? I’m trying to think whether the beagle hired my services out as a freelance editor while I was in the throes of her Beagle-licious Killer Margaritas. Since she’s sacked out on the floor with an icebag on her head, moaning like a banshee after too much pepperoni pizza, instead of giggling at my expense, I’m thinking that [for once] she’s innocent.

So this leaves only one thought; authors believe we will actually do the Nurture vs. Nature thang. We won’t. We’re rabid, fang-dripping creatures of the night with slimy red pens from hell, waiting for the perfect victim author to fall into our trap query our company. We likeses the innocent authorsesss, yessss, we dooo…

Look at it this way; if we have an author who needs this much help just writing the story, that means they don’t know how to write. That means we’d be better off banging our head on the barroom floor hiring a ghostwriter. This will only happen if the story is utterly huge and the author’s platform is the stuff of gilded dreams. Since those folks are few and far between, do yourself a favor and hire a freelance editor, a ghostwriter, or the beagle. She can’t write to save her soul, but she’s a great bartender.

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