Life on the bikepath

I’ve been riding my bike nigh on fifteen years, and I’ve seen some pretty amazing things over the years. I’m lucky to live off a gorgeous bike path. All I have to do is bike out of my driveway and I’m in the middle of nature. Lovely.

There are always the invariable mountain lion sightings, and about eight years ago I did see one draped across the branches of a very large tree, just staring at me, totally disinterested. Lucky me, since a few bikers have been eaten.

About ten years ago I had a family of deer dart out of the bushes right in front of me. While the sight of them took my breath away, their actions reminded me of some drivers I’ve encountered. I mean, really. There is NO ONE in back of me….couldn’t you have waited? I’m sure they thought the same thing about me, since there was a deer crossing sign.

I remember the time I saw the famed bike path exhibitionist, who loved nothing more than showing his dangling participles to unsuspecting women joggers. I dialed 911 and kept riding. What I really wanted to do is throw him under a boulder.

But things have changed over the years, and my bike ride today [in this gorgeous low-80s day] yielded some really odd [and alarming] things:

  • Two grossly overweight duffers with fat tires and crappy bikes who overtook me: 2 [totally humiliating given my whoopedoo bike. Note to self: must get out and ride more often]
  • Biker dressed in Speed Racer outfit and hooha bike pulled over for a cigarette break: 1 [WTF?]
  • People who nearly ran me off the path: 15 [all kids…all who should be shot]
  • Bikers carrying doggies in their baskets: 2 [way too cute for words…dogs looked totally bored, tho]
  • Number of kamikaze bunnies who love nothing more than playing a game of chicken with bikers: 12 [all of them should be stew, with carrots, potatoes, and gravy]
  • Number of times I smelled the intoxicating perfume of lemon blossoms which line the bike path: 6 [Lordy, how I lurve Spring]
  • Number of joggers who didn’t return my friendly “hello”: lost count. [joggers must be very grumpy. Hell, I would be too. Biking is much more fun]
  • Number of bikers talking on their cellphones: 2 [WTH? They’re out in the middle of beautiful trees, flowers, and weather, and they’re glued to a cellie? Criminal. Also should be shot]

So what does this have to do with writing? Not a darn thing, only to say that it’s really wonderful to back away from the literary bong now and then in order to regain that sense of balance.

10 Responses to Life on the bikepath

  1. NinjaFingers says:

    Maybe the mountain lion will eat the cellphone bikers first?

  2. Nah, the mountain lions hate all that interference. Get it? Interference? Nyuk, nyuk…

  3. Cat says:

    Two wheels good, three wheels better – race you!

  4. Rik says:

    You don’t take the Beagle with you?

  5. Forget it, Cat. If two overweight old duffers on crap bikes can overtake me, I see no need to further humiliate myself. You win.

    Rik, take the beagle with me? Not a chance. We w-a-l-k, and at that, it’s a drag-pull-hurry-the-hell-up-human effort.

  6. Pelotard says:

    We have deer in the garden. Damn things eat all the veggies and drop ticks all over – I came in one afternoon with about 15 ticks attached to my legs. Can I borrow your mountain lion?

  7. Allen Parker says:

    We used to have deer in our back yard. Now, we have a freezer.

    Rabbits used to eat our garden to death. Now, we have a freezer.

    We used to have fat people who used to make me look bad. Now, we have the neighbor’s freezer and an anonymous call to the police.

    Life is so nice without the deer trampling our yard, rabbits eating our garden, and those pesky neighbors complaining about the party last week.

  8. Pelo, I’m shipping one very pissed off California mountain lion your way. I’m betting he’ll think none too kindly about your climate, but the deer may help make amends.

    Allen, you absolutely cracked me up. You goof.

  9. catwoods says:

    Thanks for sharing your moment of happy spring. I saw my first robin this morning, so was fully prepared for your hurrah!

    Lemon blossoms? I can smell them now…

  10. Leonard says:

    Pelo, did you try a repellent yet? I’m using havahart’s deer off, and it does the trick. I got a good deal on it at They give you 10% off if you sign up for the newsletter.

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