More on how “they” get you…

Seems I fooled no one with my announcement that we’d gone vanity. I was a bit nervous about being too convincing, as that sort of thing can travel faster than the beagle hot on the trail of an unopened bottle of tequila. Sadly, this post is all too true…

Some folks call themselves publishers, but what they really are is marketing machines to you…the author. This is akin to looking down the barrel of your own gun and squeezing the trigger. Here’s the latest attempt at promotion designed to separate you from your money – in a shameful display of igniting hope within the hearts of those who really oughta know better.

I’manidiotPublisher will submit your book to Regis and Kelly!

Many of you have seen authors appear on one of America’s top-three daytime TV shows, Live with Regis and Kelly. Famous and not so famous. Ever wondered, how is their book any better than mine? The answer is, it probably isn’t.

I’manidiotPublisher will submit your book to Live with Regis and Kelly. We will send your book to Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa’s staff for their consideration, several copies, so that more than one producer gets a chance to read your work and recommend you for an interview!

We’re not waiting for Regis or Kelly’s producers to ask for your book. [bolding mine] We’re donating it to them. And we will let your local newspaper, radio, or TV know that your book is being submitted to Live with Regis and Kelly. So they can put a spotlight on you as a local author.

Here’s how we do it:

If you want to have books on hand, order now, and we will donate up to five copies to Live with Regis and Kelly. And you receive a 50 (that’s FIFTY) pct discount!

The books for Regis and Kelly will ship to New York shortly after you receive your own copies, for consideration at their staff’s discretion.

Minimum volume is 9 copies.

Isn’t this lovely? I guess they had such a fabulous turnout when they offered to send a copy to Sandra Bullock, who is knee-deep in dealing with a philandering toolbox of a husband who has a penchant for silicone lungs and tattoos, that they decided to spam “donate” books to Regis and Kelly. Not for one minute will their producers look at these “donations.” They’ll simply go into the recycle bin – or maybe they have a team of beagles who love to rip things to shreds.

For starters, anyone submitting to TV shows need to submit a full media kit to the producer. It’s a drunkard’s folly to think that I’manidiotPublisher will take the time to write a tip sheet and cover letter on their victims authors’ behalf. More than likely they’ll simply box up the lot of the books into one box and send it, thus satisfying the spirit of their half-baked promise.

Folks, don’t be fooled when you see stuff like this. A real publisher won’t blackmail you into buying your own books [at inflated prices] so you can get a book sent out to someone. Real publishers send out books to media all the time in order to generate interest. These yahoos, OTOH, don’t get their books into the store shelves, so their primary marketplace is their own victims authors, and they’ll stop at nothing to pimp themselves into your wallet. Sadly, it’s quite effective because there’s a sucker born every minute, or more likely, a thousand suckers born every minute.

Resistance is not futile. Learn the industry so you can separate the skanks from the real kahuna. Otherwise, you’ll be like all the other sheeple, standing in line to hand over your hard-earned dollars so that you may have your book sent to Regis and Kelly.

‘Scuse me…I feel the sudden need for an antacid.

6 Responses to More on how “they” get you…

  1. Voidwalker says:

    I’m confident that a lot of us that read your blog would avoid outfits like that, but some of us still need to hear it. Keep these kinds of posts coming. Warn the new guys. The road to publication is difficult enough without running into jerk-a-liar-wanna-be-publishing-houses-who-don’t-have-the-know-how-or-balls-to-pull-it-off-legitimately companies.

    That might be a new record for me on the dash words LOL.


  2. NinjaFingers says:

    That one’s so obvious one would THINK nobody would fall for it.


  3. And yet, Ninja, many do fall for it. Every day, in fact. I’ve heard many authors say that they would do anything to see their work published. Sadly, for many, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  4. Josie says:

    They also offered to “donate” copies to Stephen King, Stephenie Meyer, Random House, Haitian charity, airport gift shops, generic “servicemen” overseas, local libraries, Barnes&Noble, Target, Wal-Mart…

    It seems to be going at a rate of 2 a week or so. The authors who were under the impression that it was a commercial publisher are even starting to question it now. But others are still snapping at that carrot.

  5. All we can do is keep posting, like you have done here and perhaps save a few new to publishing authors (who have no idea how the real industry works) from falling prey to Publish America.
    Yes, sadly for every one of their authors that starts to see they have been tricked into believing PA was a legit commercial publisher, there are 20 that thank PA for “making my dream come true and putting my book in my hands”.
    Some people do not want to hear the truth, they are happy paying for their dream…. over and over and over again. (though they still think they are actually published and do not get it that the only shelf their book will be stocked on, are their own)

  6. Mark Manning says:

    All good stuff above, and needed info as others have pointed out. My take on this one is that it can be helpful to have a company BETWEEN the legitimate and the vanity publishers – a company one can USE with some knowledge. Point: knowing it may be yet another four years before any of my mss finally make it to the printed page, I chose to get out one book through the “I’manidiotpublisher”. (Just got the above “offer” last week!) At least I suffered no up front cost, as through a VP, and when I discovered the company’s true modus operandi, I was okay with it. The inflated price at which I purchased a dozen of my books (needed on-hand for speaking gigs) was a far milder sting than the two-grand paid by an acquaintance to a vanity house – which included the “gratis” dozen copies.

    We must make choices day-by-day and maintain hope for those good days and better choices still to come.

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