(head banging on desk) Why-oh-why do I not stick to my guns and send form rejection letters? Instead I wrote:
Dear Pathetically Immature Windbag (not his real name),
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid your plot is a bit thin for us and since we accept very little fiction, we won’t be interested in reviewing this further. Best of luck to you.
And his pitch was thin – thin as the beagle’s explanations as to where she’s been all night. His reply:
How in the hell do you know how thin my plot is without reading it?
What a dumb ass reply.
If you can’t take the time to read a 50 page book that addresses the bullying problems in today’s schools, you are wrong for me anyway.
I also wrote 8 other novels and 61 screenplays. The actors I write for would laugh at your stupid shit.
Thanks for nothing goofball.
Dearie me. I didn’t find 8 books, but I did find one book that was pubbed by a vanity press.
Great holy pardons, this is what I get for offering a personalized rejection rather than a canned rejection. See, I foolishly mistook you for a professional – a mistake I’ll be sure not to repeat.
You must remember that editors can’t climb inside an author’s brain, and we’re forced to make decisions based on what you give us. You gave me something thin, and this forces me to decline to review you further because I have over a hundred other queries awaiting my attention – and most of them are from authors who act like professionals and know how to write a proper query. If you revert to acting like a four-year-old with a simple rejection, Lord only knows what you’ll do with a bad review. Obviously you aren’t ready for prime time yet. Go grow up first.
My reason for posting this isn’t to make this twit look foolish – he’s managing that quite well on his own. My point is that many times authors think they’ve adequately expressed their plot, and they don’t take the time to step outside themselves to determine whether it will make an editor’s mouth water. That comes from knowing how to write an effective query letter – something my ill-tempered friend hasn’t yet mastered.
Form rejection letters, Lynn…FORM REJECTION LETTERS!