It usually starts innocuously enough:
…”I read about your company and it fits exactly what I write. (Aw, sweet) I made sure to read your submission guidelines, blippitity, blah, blah…”
Then derails itself unmercifully:
“but I was wondering if I could also include a synopsis (which would be very useful since the plot has a number of unexpected twists ), as well as a few short chapters, or a number of pages to illustrate style and writing ability?”
Beagle, fire up the blender.
He is basically asking permission to break the rules. Ohhh, by all means, my friend. No way should you have to follow those pesky guidelines. After all, YOU are special! In fact, let’s just forgo all those silly steps that streamline my job because, hey, it’s all about you!
Send me your full.
Forget that, how about I just send out a contract right spanking now?
<beagle slaps Pricey across the kisser a few times, enjoying the moment way too much>
Wha’? Huh? Oh. Sorry, I lost myself again.
I can be accused of several things, but vague isn’t one of them. Ask anyone who knows me. I have taken the idea of clarity to a higher art form in the attempt to save time and confusion. I’d like to think that my submission guidelines reflect my philosophy of “this means YOU,” and that nothing other than a simple query letter will be allowed.
I’m not sure how my little friend could have read those guidelines, and all the crankiness that goes with it, and still ask for special treatment. But I’ll wager that he has some serious chestnuts. For that, I should give him some credit. And I have; he has the distinction of being the first email that I’ve deleted unanswered today.
I’m guessing my invitation to the Great Benevolent Society will be rescinded…