How To Guarantee Yourself a Rejection


Psst…here’s a hot tip for those of you who want to waste your time and the time of those you query; make sure that you send a very long query letter that mostly talks about your fabulosity…and dedicate one – yes ONE – sentence about your book.

I guarantee that you’ll be able to wallpaper your home in rejection letters.

Actually, I don’t want you wasting anyone’s time – especially your own – because you’ve worked long and hard on your stories. I want you to be successful, and I’m continually dismayed at what you think we blood-sucking editors want to hear. Lots of you include stuff that isn’t important.

For example, if your main character finds herself in Hell and discovers the Devil isn’t as bad as she’d been taught to believe, then it’s not necessary to include the circumstances of your character’s demise. If the manner of her death isn’t the crux of the story, but merely a vehicle to get her into Hell, then don’t include it because you’re wasting time, along with confusing  an editor. We’re fairly simple creatures, and we’re going to wonder why you included it. Stick to the stuff that explains the plot and your character.

I happened to read Query Shark the other day, and I loved this query letter. So did Janet. So did the commenters. It’s a prime example of what works. The author didn’t waste any time on the superfluous, but kept it tight and on point.


And speaking of platform (was I?), I know many of you are worried about including your platform – or pointing out that you lack one. Platform is important with nonfiction, but it should NEVER be the main dish. It’s a side dish. It’s secondary. You’re trying to sell your book – and that’s where you must put your focus.

Rarely does an editor sit around with her submission committee and say, “I don’t care about her book, she has a platform the length of my legs!” Someone with a great platform can still write a really lousy book. And a lousy book is going to get panned by readers.

So if you’re looking for fresh wallpaper or birdcage liner, then I recommend proceeding incautiously. For everyone else, be mindful because it’s all about being successful, baby.

One Response to How To Guarantee Yourself a Rejection

  1. ericjbaker says:

    What do people talk about other than their manuscripts? Most of us aren’t that interesting.

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