Even more about agents

August 30, 2007

As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I love agents. Scratch that. I love smart agents. I love agents who understand editors’ funky little quirks and put up with us anyway (mine is a weakness for Twinkies).

I love agents who don’t rely on their author’s synopses but, instead, write a synop and proposal dripping with mouth-watering tidbits that make me want to cozy up on my couch and dive right in. I love agents who protect their reputations and love their clients’ work. It’s these last two items that I’d like to focus on.

An agent who loves her clients is one where the words invariably flow off the proposal like fine wine. If I can read the passion in something as mundane as a proposal, it makes a huge difference in my approach to the submission. After all, I’m human (who knew?) and love to be entertained.

Publishing is about great writing and matching stories with the right publisher. It’s also a business of perception, and I appreciate an agent who protects their reputation. Obviously, behaving badly is never good business, and, sad as it is, those who have huge sales as long as my arm are forgiven for all sorts of sins. But the agent whose sales history is quasi unproven can be marked with a scarlet letter if they’re perceived as one who flies off the handle, engages in petty vitriol, or engages in questionable practices.

Why should I care? Because if we sign their client, our name goes alongside the agents on that press release or sale listing, and, yes, I have a reputation to uphold as well.

Why should the writer care? Well, the name of the game is to sell the work, and the best way for a writer to accomplish this is if their agent acts like a professional at all times. There are agents I will stop eating Twinkies for because of their presentation and conduct is unimpeachable. Reputation is paramount in this business, and I love agents who get that. And you should, too.


Say What?

August 30, 2007

As one who deals with words all day long, these fractured translations just tickled my funnybone.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. (Note: I think I received this guy’s submission)

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American. (Yep, got this manuscript as well)

-car rental brochure in Tokyo
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.


Frustrated artistry

August 30, 2007

As one who lives and dies by cover art, I can well appreciate this hysterical spoof iPod commercial that highlights how Microsoft would have messed with the packaging had it been theirs to ruin.


Do I Need a Publicist?

August 29, 2007

The main thing to remember is that a book needs to get out into the world so people know it exists, and a publicist is an option. The trick is to understand that option.

This is a very touchy issue because it’s an expense that many feel should be placed on the publisher’s shoulders. The truth of the matter is that very few authors receive much of a promo/publicity budget. It is the publisher’s responsibility to get the book distributed to the stores and have their sales team pitch their books to the genre buyers. Publishers have gambled that they’ve produced a book that will appeal to the general public and to that end, they’ll get ARCs into the hands of reviewers and take out an ad or two. But the first thing store buyers ask is what the author is doing to create demand.

Creating demand is what sells books. If no one knows your book exists, even though it’s sitting on the store shelves, it’s going to get shipped back to the publisher’s warehouse within about six weeks, where you’ll eventually reside in Remainder City.

Whether or not an author hires a publicist, the key element to remember is that demand is created through publicity, and it has to be a full frontal assault that scratches a lot of itches. Lopsided publicity only scratches one or two itches, meaning that an author may do the book signing events with a modicum of success, or they may garner great reviews. In and of itself, these isolated hits aren’t going to create demand on a large scale.

To get a title to catch fire, the author needs to develop a platform for themselves and their book. That platform has to define why readers will perish if they don’t buy your book. Publicists are task masters at being able to flesh out a platform, and they work closely with the publisher to capitalize on their efforts.

An example of this came through a conversation I had recently with an author who wrote a murder/mystery where a popular gardener is killed. She’s with one of the large houses and had zero promo dollars budgeted for her book. She’d been going to all the mystery bookstores and having some success with her signings, but she wasn’t reaching a big audience, and her sales were tepid. After talking with a publicist, they decided to go after the gardening community, which turned out to be a huge success. They had her do signings at a number of the large nurseries in her area. At the same time, the publicist got her on gardening radio shows and local cable TV appearances.

She became an “expert” in gardening tips and as word spread, so did demand for more appearances. The publicist also got her quite a few newspaper interviews in their gardening sections. Before they knew it, other reporters were asking to interview her and review her book. Long story short, her sales went through the roof, and her publisher responded by putting an ad in one of the big gardening mags. Without her publicist, this author would have never had the time or energy to make contact with all the different venues required to make that full frontal assault, not to mention that she would have never considered the gardening aspects in the first place.

· Know why you’re hiring a publicist. There are times when an author and publicist will split the work between them. The author may have the time and capability to go after certain audiences or set up seminars and will let the publicist take care of the tougher venues. Define exactly what your respective roles will be.

· Consider the genre. Is your genre mainstream enough to warrant the expense and energy of a publicist? I’ve known authors who hired publicists, and their books sold very poorly. They received terrific reviews, but their genres were so obscure that there was a very narrow field of interest. In one author’s case, the publisher was able to gravy-train off those previous reviews when her mainstream book came out. She was lucky.

· Understand your expectations of their performance. Knowing exactly what you want them to do requires thought and planning because they all have different specialties. Some are terrific with getting reviews, which is great, but they don’t sell books. Others are more media based and can get you a ton of radio and TV interviews. Again, this is great, but it doesn’t necessarily sell books. Not by itself.

· Coordinate your efforts. It’s vital to have your seminars or signings coincide with your radio, TV appearances, and print based media. This isn’t a six week endeavor, but more like a six month offensive.

· Evaluate yourself and your book’s capabilities. Know your limitations. Are you shy or are you a hambone in front of an audience or interviewer? A publicist will get you media training. If your book is a mystery cozy it’s going to be a tougher sell than a book about bipolar disorder, so look for aspects that you can pull from your mystery cozy or fantasy like the woman with the dead gardener.

I’m not saying that hiring a publicist is mandatory, but I am saying that it can make a huge difference in the ability to get a title to catch fire and continue to burn on its own. Publicity is about sustainability, and it never stops. The first thing everyone considers is price. They definitely aren’t free, but there are many, many great publicists that are affordable.

In the end, the only way to know if a publicist is right for you is to talk to one. Find out if you have some unique element that could create a new fad – like the knitter whose book is filled with patterns of naughty wear. Tell me that isn’t ripe for a Live With Regis and Whatsherface appearance. It could be the difference between living in Remainder City or catching the Red Eye for Los Angeles to appear on The Tonight Show.


Your cover art should say it all…

August 19, 2007

We have a slew of new titles** hitting the decks very soon, and I thought it would be fun to see the fruits or our designer’s efforts.

This is for our new book, Earth Is Pissed and Isn’t Going To Take It Anymore. It’s a sci-fi nail biter where the Earth discovers the moon really isn’t made of green cheese.

This new title is Good Gogely Mogely, Where’s My Regular Manicurist? This mystery is sure to win the next major book awards and hit the NY Times Bestseller list as Marcia Humdinger searches for her manicurist, whose been listed as missing. Is the gentle little gnome responsible?

I think the picture speaks for itself with this new book, which is titled, Street Swimming, When Good Swimmers Go Bad.

Mood Swings: Who Am I Today? is part of our new psychological line, and we expect this to sell very well.

I couldn’t resist this manuscript when it crossed my desk. This travelogue is a departure from our normal fare, but we think readers will find a lot of useful information with I See London, I See France…

This new book is from famed entomologist, Henry Foggsworth, who spent years traipsing around the backyards of exotic locations such as Queens and the Bronx. His talents for discovering rare species enticed him to write, Bug Confusion: The Travesty Begins.

**Yes, we do have a slew of new titles, but these aren’t the ones.


More pondering about agents…

August 16, 2007

These questions came in the form of a comment to a post I did regarding why writers need agents. I felt this warranted its own post. Thanks to Michael for the great questions.

At last somewhere out there willing to talk to us mere mortal authors. I was beginning to think you editorial folk were imaginary and that publishers use your image to wear down writers. Phew!

No, you had it right the first time. We’re superhuman beings who fly around looking for writers to squash under our big red pens.

Still just what will it take to reach that pot of gold beyond the distant, sometimes invisible rainbow? I mean do we just surrender under the mountain of rejections we get from agents and write a new book?

What you’re really asking is whether you’re writing is good enough to continue the submission process, and I can’t answer that. No one can. The question of, “does my writing suck?” rattles through the brain of every writer, and that’s why writers hunger for experienced feedback. It’s also why writers get so frustrated when they receive form rejection letters. Getting honest feedback is gold, so writers should belong to several writers’ crit groups, whether online or in person.

Do we write a new book?
Absolutely. Writers should never stop writing. Just because you’re making the submissions rounds, you should be working on a new book. As long as you’re involved with some good writing groups, writers always improve with each new work. Most put their first books in their desks and let them gather dust, and they end up submitting their third or fourth book. Flip side of that is that I know plenty of first time writers who got their first book pubbed by very large publishers. In short, there are very few hard and fast rules. But knowledge rules all. Be smart and be informed about your craft and the business.

How do we even know our first book wasn’t of readable quality in the first place?
You don’t. I’ve known several writers who printed up about 25 copies of their books, distributed them to people they knew would be brutally honest. Based on the feedback, they went back to the drawing board and rewrote their work. They repeated the process after about a year after working with an editor, taking some classes, and joining crit groups. One ended up getting a very nice deal with a large publisher. The other is sitting on my desk right now. My feeling is that if you surrender now, you’ll always wonder whether you stopped submitting too soon.

More importantly, how do we get to first base with an agent?
First, write a great book. Do your homework and seek agents that rep the type of work you write. Take a look at your query letter and synopsis. Is it tight, clear, and short? Many writers unvalue the importance of a kickass synopsis, and I can say that a lousy one will have an agent or editor reaching for a form rejection letter in the blink of an eye. I know many agents who will quit reading after the first paragraph. I’m not saying this to scare you, but to educate you.

There are a couple posts on our blog here and here that deal with the pitch and writing a synopsis. Writing a great synopsis takes a hideous amount of time. And it should; your career basically depends on it.

It seems to me, as a writer that this is like the pimple faced geek trying to get a date with the most beautiful girl in school and the chance of her jock boyfriend knocking us mere writers on our literary arses is going to be yet another lesson why we writers of the future will remain in the past.
Are you kidding? “Mere writers” are being published every day. I’m not sure what “the writer of the future” is. I’ve not heard of this classification before. There are writers. Period.

Look, I’m going to be a bit tough here, because I think you and many other writers need to hear it. This business is extremely competitive and can be harsh. The writer needs to have a solid constitution that can withstand rejection and brutally honest critique – if not from an agent or an editor – certainly from reviews. Literature is subjective, and not everyone is going to like your words. The trick is finding the agent who believes they can sell your work.

Where is it written that life offers guarantees of fairness and the nice guy always finishes first? This is a business about making money by publishing marketable literature, and you have to treat this as a business. At no point in time have there been more writers. It’s a buyers market for agents and editors, and we have the luxury of picking the very best. If you’re looking for a sense of being given a chance, then you’re in the wrong business. No one will give you a chance. Someone will take your work on because they feel your work will land a nice publishing deal. Looking for a sense of fair play is best left to reprimanding one’s children.

Now, that I’ve succeeded in sounding cruel and heartless, let me add that agents and editors forge, for the most part, very good, and sometime very close, relationships with our authors. We’re human and are actually very nice people (for the most part). But make no mistake about it. It’s a business first.

What is the so-called ‘Diamond in the Rough’ they are looking for?
This is the manuscript that shows great promise by the merits of a fabulous plot, marketable idea, and great writing that may need finessing. I’ve known agents who’ve worked with their clients for a couple years helping to get their manuscripts ready for submission. In fact, we signed an author whose agent had worked with him on his manuscript for four years. The agent was very savvy and knew exactly what kind of prospects the work had and sought out publishers whom she felt would deliver the goods.

How does the pimple faced geek get the prettiest girl to notice them?
First, the pimple-faced geek shoves aside his insecurities and starts believing in the merits of their work. Nothing is a bigger turn off than the apologetic writer, and we see plenty of them. The writer who shows confidence is far more likely to be a presence during their promo phase. If I see an author who sees himself as a wanna-be, then I have a high level of confidence that he’s going to flop at promotion. Agents smell this as well. So, I’m not going to refer to you as a pimple-faced geek. You’re a writer, so start acting like one. Learn the business, get involved in the literary community. Join crit groups, get your work read to see if your work needs finessing or if you’re sitting on the next best thing. My mantra is ‘Knowledge is power,’ so surround yourself with as much information as you can. Your submission process will be that much stronger for it.


Leggo my eggo

August 13, 2007

It’s been suggested by any number of people that I’m truly inhuman, and there are times I’d be willing to agree with those assessments. But now the truth is out. I’m a Lego girl. Take that!


I’m Purple…

August 10, 2007

So I took this test about what color is your brain, and here are the results.

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.
You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places – or a very different life for yourself.

I’ve given myself permission to flash this at the next person who tells me my taste is where the sun doesn’t shine.

Good thing they don’t have one for hearts. I can tell you, firsthand, that it’s black.


Leave Your Gimmicks At Home

August 4, 2007

I opened up a submission the other week, and a tennis ball came rolling out. It rolled under my desk and got caught in the wires of my computer. I had to get on all fours to retrieve it. A spider had taken up residence there and darted across my hand in its race to safety. Freaking out, I smacked my head on my desk as I lurched for my own safety of my chair. Can you imagine my frame of mind when I finally got to the submission? To add insult to injury, it was poorly written, and I rejected it immediately. The month before that, I received a chocolate bar. Had it not melted all over the manuscript, rendering it unreadable, I would have eaten it before almost certainly rejecting it.

This sad state of our media driven world has leeched its bad self over to the publishing industry, and authors are under the impression that the more outrageous or unique the presentation, the better. Nothing could be further from the truth. Success deriving from stunts such as these are the exception, not the rule, and no one should confuse the two.

For every story we hear about how Jane Writer got the attention of an editor or agent by having a male stripper deliver the manuscript, or Joe Writer wrapping his manuscript in Christmas wrap, there are thousands whose submission are dumped into the trash unread.

Why do they get tossed? Because we see it for exactly what it is; schlocky and desperate. Friends of mine who are reviewers, agents, and fellow editors have the same complaint.

Submissions 101 teaches a number of Golden Rules. Number 2 is “Never Look Desperate.” Ever. That you’re submitting or querying initiates a forgone conclusion that you want your work read. But for crying out loud, keep a firm grasp on your dignity. Inserting tennis balls, chocolate, sticks of chewing gum, a package of Cheese Whiz, or a Micro Machine does not scream to me, “I’m a serious writer.” It screams that you depend on gimmicks because your writing isn’t up to standards. What’s sad is this many not be the truth at all, but this is what you convey.

Look at it from my point of view; I’m not an ad person, I’m an editor. This means that the only product I review is the manuscript; not tie-in toys or food that you think is cute and will capture my attention. It’s not cute. It’s annoying and unprofessional. Like the tennis ball writer, is this the frame of mind you want an agent or editor to be in when they begin reading your cover letter? Sure, you may happen to find the one in a thousand editors who find this effective. But are you willing to take that chance?

Repeat after me: What you have to sell is your writing. Only your writing.

What’s the Number 1 Rule in Submissions 101? Write a great book.

My recommendation is that you keep your gimmicks for friends and family and stick to presenting a professional demeanor…unless you have access to a male stripper…


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