Websites – Keep it active

June 29, 2008

When I sign a new author, one of the things I mention is their website – they need one. Most have already considered this necessity as a part of modern publishing and promotion, but most are unaware of how to exploit their sites to their best advantage.

The idea of a website isn’t to bring readers to your site once, but to keep bringing them back over and over again to see the new content. That is how word of mouth is born.

Word of mouth = sales.
Sales = royalties.

Ah, I have your attention now, right?

All too often I see disastrous author websites that appear to be little more than templates bought at WalMart. No knock to Sam Walton – bless his gazillionaire little heart – but this is no time to look like Budget Rent-A-Wreck. Even worse is the stale information on these sites because the authors don’t add new content.

Say you’re the author of a fabulous book on knitting toilet paper doilies. Your website will, of course deal with you and your book, but it should also have content on knitting, opinion pieces on how Charmin is better than Quilted Northern, and a few sample patterns. Perhaps each week or month you’ll toss in a new toilet paper doily pattern. Maybe you’ll create pattern of the month themes. August is Dragon Toilet Paper Doily month, for example. Of course you would tell everyone that the Breathing Fire Dragon sample pattern is in your book. The idea is to entice people to return to your site and talk about you and your book. Otherwise, the hits to your site become more of an accident than being someone’s morning read.

A blog is also a great way to keep your content new. Adding the link to your site will drive readers to your blog, where you can interact with your readers and set yourself up as an expert in your field. Going back to the toilet paper doily author, she could use her blog to answer questions she (I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume few men would be in on this) receives from other knitters. What are the best needles to use? The best yarn? Should I drink heavily while knitting? How about knitting in the nude while sitting on the front lawn? The author can take on a new question each day, and this keeps people coming back.

This pertains to fiction as well. An effective way of doing this is to pull out the nonfiction elements of your novel and key in on it. Maybe your character has a passion for Twinkies. Your site could have articles on the history of Twinkies, or recipes. Maybe the character has a cool classic car. You could have a section on your site titled “Articles” or “Opinions.” You could write weekly articles on elements that are germane to your book. And always be sure to stick that into your article somewhere. Or your blog could deal with these issues.

A classy site conveys a classy book and a classy writer, so get yourself a damn good web designer and get crackin’. The idea is to keep ‘em coming back.

8 Comments | promotion | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Hellooo…clueless authorrr…

June 26, 2008

This is an open letter to the author who wrote me on May 5, June 10, and again today, regarding the status of his six – yes SIX – queries that are all packed neatly into one submission. You wondered why I failed to contact you the two previous times. After looking at this one today, I’ll tell you:

  • You submitted six freaking books to me. At once. Who in their right mind does this?
  • A few of them are SF. I don’t do SF. Check my submission guidelines. They aren’t on our website to amuse the tourists.
  • You gave me a couple lines description of each of the six titles that tells me zippo. Ever heard of a synopsis?
  • You sent me one page from Ch. 1 of each book. Each page was single spaced and achingly hard to read.

I could go on for days about the various infractions you committed here, but in the end it doesn’t matter. All of them tell me you know didly squat about writing a proper submission. And this is why I probably tossed your letters out in May and early June. And I’ll toss this one out as well.

I would have emailed this bit of embarrassment to you had you given me your email address – but you didn’t. I would have mailed this to you had you given me an SASE (I won’t part with my own stamps) – but you didn’t do that either. All you included was your phone number. YOUR PHONE NUMBER. I call an author is when I have an offer on the table, not to offer personal rejections. Do I look like the pizza man?

So I hope you happen to stumble upon this blog so you understand why you won’t be receiving a reply from me. ‘Course had you been reading my blog, you would have never submitted this abortion in the first place.

Ms. Snark, why didn’t you will your clue gun to me?

4 Comments | rant | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Agent Spam-A-Lot

June 26, 2008

What is this unattractive practice currently taking place? I’ve been spammed by two different agents this week. Oh, the emails are innocuous enough – “come see my summer offerings for your consideration” – that’s complete with what looks like the agent’s older stuff that’s been knocking around for at least six months. It goes on to invite me, the lucky editor, to drop what I’m doing and rush to their website to see a one page synop. With a punch of a few buttons, whamm-o presto, a McQuery is born.

I’ll allow that some editors may think this a useful tool, but I see it as an intrusive and unprofessional pile of crap. It smacks of desperation and lack of sales of their older works. Let’s face it – the agent/editor dance can be a fun little tango or a full blown waltz. It revolves around the agent doing their homework and finding out exactly what kind of music we like to dance to. They create a mouthwatering proposal of their client’s work that causes me to order the conductor to tune up the violins ‘cause it’s gonna be a marathon dance.

Spamming requires nothing on the part of the agent. It’s lazy and scummy. It tells me that they think too little of me and their client to put the elbow grease into writing a proper proposal. What’s worse is that it pisses me off, and that’s a bad thing for an agent. I’m unlikely to ever take them seriously again. I’ll stick their submissions at the back of my slush pile that is currently circa 2006.

And what does that mean to you, the author? Well, obviously, you’re being screwed out of a chance to have your work read and will never know it. I looked down the list of unsold works from these two emails and shook my head. If I’m irritated, who else on that large distribution list is equally irritated?

The smart agent works to maintain a good reputation with editors because they want us to read their stuff. I can’t imagine a worse way to tell the literary world, “I’m a class act” than by spamming editors. If I want to go manuscript hunting (which I don’t), I’ll trip the light fantastic over at Publisher’s Marketplace to see what’s cooking. Or I’ll ask an agent for their list.

So if I’m going to receive a McQuery, the agent better make sure to add extra cheese and a Twinkie.

Leave a Comment » | agents, rant | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Say What?

June 26, 2008

Many times I read a sentence in a manuscript that’s confusing. I know what they’re trying to say, but they simply failed to say it. When writing, it’s imperative to make sure you’ve written so you readers understand you.

Take these Catholic elementary school kids, for instance, who answered test questions about the Old and New Testament. Clarity would have been key here, but this is so much cuter.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS

3 LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA ! WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENT WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONEOFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN

24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

2 Comments | goofy | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Is there such a thing as a first date?

June 25, 2008

No…this is not me.

I was watching Sex and the City last night – yes, I love the show, so sue me – and the episode centered on how Carrie always seems to pick the wrong men. If she’d just keep her knees together a bit longer and took time to know these guys maybe she’d avoid the heartache that always seems to be lurking around the corner.

It made me think about the speed with which many authors go about querying an agent or publisher. It’s akin to speed dating, where the author rings an imaginary bell that allows five nanoseconds for looking at an agent or publishing house. Since the clock is ticking, they seem to limit their research to:

1. Do you have a pulse?

2. Are you currently accepting submissions?

Little or no forethought is put into whether we actually accept their genre, our guidelines, what kind of publisher we are (the dreaded POD/vanity or the oh-so-heroic indie trade publisher with distribution), do we have national distribution, how long have we been in business, and our reputation. What’s even sadder is most fail to even bother looking at the books we already published.

Unlike Carrie, your manuscript deserves better than a one-night stand, and like Carrie, you need to practice some restraint. After all, you’ve spent months or years writing, so it hardly makes sense to jump out of the chair the minute your little bell dings and move on to the next table. You want the very best. And that takes research.

I received a query letter a couple days ago that brings it all home. It stated up front that the author was looking to get his “little darling” published by Christmas. I informed him that this would be quite impossible and that it takes at least a year to publish a book unless it gets fast-tracked.

His reply: “A year? Are you kidding me? No way am I going to wait that long! You think you’re so high and mighty – well let me tell you, I’ll take my work over to [a certain publisher in Frederick, Maryland]! They can get it out by Christmas, and you’ll really lose out.” Yes, of this I am sure. Ding! I hear the bell ringing.

I considered his response and figured he was going to get hurt just like Carrie. After all, this publisher does have a pulse and they are open for submissions. Pity this guy isn’t willing to date.

5 Comments | query, rant | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

New perspective

June 24, 2008

I’ve decided that since I’m another year older that it’s time for a little payback. Meet my new mantra…

Live your life in such a way that
when your feet hit the floor in the
morning, Satan shudders and says…

“Oh shit…she’s awake!

*thanks Jean

3 Comments | goofy | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Candle overload

June 23, 2008

Expect nothing useful out of me on Monday. It’s my birthday, I’m an old broad, and can be as big a slacker as I want. In fact, Tuesday could be iffy…

4 Comments | goofy | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Self publishing – playing the blame game

June 21, 2008

“I got impatient with all the rejections and self published my book, and now you’re telling me you don’t publish previously pubbed books?” She sat across the table from me at the BEA a few weeks ago and looked like she was going to rip my head off. “I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Not only have I screwed myself with this book, but I had no idea how much it was going to hit me in the checkbook.”

I shoved the submission across the table to her and shrugged. “Yeah, research is your best friend.”

“I paid $4,000 to get my book published and have 1,000 copies sitting in my garage that I can’t sell because the big trade magazines won’t review self pubbed books and stores won’t carry them on their shelves. Forget about getting them into the library. I have zero distribution and the only sales I get are from the trunk of my car because bookstores won’t let me have a book signing. I would have never gone the self publishing route if agents and editors would have had the brains to actually read my work rather than rejecting me based on a cover letter and synopsis.”

“Well, I think you have things a bit out of perspective,” I said, growing defensive.

“And here you sit and tell me that you won’t publish me just because it’s already been published. You didn’t look any further than my synopsis and query letter. You editors and agents suck. If we aren’t Madonna or OJ Simpson, you won’t talk to us.”

“Not true.”

Her voice got louder. “It is true. You know nothing about me or my book. Chapter 10 is where the story really heats up, yet you’ll never know that because you won’t read the manuscript.”

I felt it was time for an education. “What you don’t understand is that if you’re waiting until chapter 10 to grab me, you’re ten chapters too late, and that’s probably why you received so many rejections. Rather than learn the business and learn how to frame a story, you bought into the entitlement hype that self publishers blast out – of course you deserve to be published! It cost you a ton of money and a garage full of books. You’ll never get a big trade review, you’ll never be distributed, and you’ll probably never get this book resold.”

Now I was on a roll. “If I had a dime for every author who told me that they self published their book with the intent of selling it to a real publisher, I’d own Hawaii. It’s rare that a publisher picks up a previously published book because it’s a pain to deal with from a business standpoint. And most aren’t publishable.

“You’ve assumed that being self published is a publishing credential, and it isn’t. The only criteria that exist in self publishing is the size of your wallet, and we know this. There isn’t a submissions committee judging the quality of your writing and marketability. Additionally, there isn’t any editing to speak of other than Spell Check. Sure, they say you’re paying for editing, but it’s a crock. You’re nothing more than a dollar sign to them.

“Once your book is printed, you’re completely on your own. You did this to yourself because you let your impatience rule you. In my mind, that isn’t the sign of a true author, but a wannabe. And now you’re angry with everyone else for the mistakes you made. You’re upset with me because you wanted to do things on your own terms. Your bitterness at the industry isn’t on my shoulders but your own. If you’re going to stay in this business, you MUST learn the industry and work smart. In this day and age there is no justifying an undereducated author.”

I got up from the table in a foul mood. I love this business, but I’m weary of whiny authors who want to rewrite the publishing rules and are shocked when we agents and editors don’t play along. My feeling is this; when it’s your dime, you write the rules. Yanno?

3 Comments | self published, vanity | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

Another public service announcement

June 17, 2008

Special note to those who need glue guns to keep their brains from falling out of their heads…

I assume those who submit/query us are doing the same to many other editors and agents, so it only makes sense to set your email program to receive our emails. Nothing is more irritating than to receive this:

“You have not been approved by Author Get-a Clue, and your email has been rejected. You need to request permission to email this person.”

Yeah. Uh huh. I got yer request right here…

1 Comment | Uncategorized | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

The one that got away

June 14, 2008

I was eating lunch with an agent bud of mine at the Book Expo America couple weeks ago. Her cellie rang and she mumbled, “Oh, I hope it’s my author…I’m dying to sign her.” Turned out it wasn’t so she hung up. She went on to tell me that the author in question had written a huge story.

As she described the story, my tongue hung out. “That’s my author!”

She blanched as she set her phone down on the table. “Huh?”

“Yeah, yeah, she submitted to me a couple weeks ago. I called her and we talked about her work. She hadn’t submitted it anywhere else but to me. It needs major work, but I love it. Huge story, national appeal, great author presentation…the works.”

“Did you offer a contract?” my snarky bud asked.

“Not yet.”

She laughed and patted my hand. “Ah, see, Price? You snooze, you lose.”

And so it goes. The author ended up signing with my bud that very weekend.

Now, I could have been a total fishface and requested an exclusive from the writer at the outset, but that’s not my style. Obviously I want the best for our company, but I also want the very best for the author. If it isn’t right for both parties, someone down the line is going to feel taken advantage of. If I had to lose this author, I’m glad to lose her to my bud. Besides, I already have two of her clients. She’ll get this author a huge publishing deal, and I’ll read her fabo reviews in Publisher’s Weekly while clutching a lacy hankie the entire way.

Way to go, Janet. Be sure to look over your shoulder when walking down Madison Avenue…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

And speaking of exclusives – where an agent or editor requests that the author not query anyone else while they review the work – I remain leery of them, and authors should, too. Sure, I realize an exclusive puts me in the driver’s seat, but it’s not advantageous for the author because it takes them off the market. Big agents know this and employ it all the time. Funnily enough, my agent buds hate them because it forces them into playing a waiting game as well.

If an agent doesn’t request an exclusive, don’t offer them one. Continue to query your list of agents or editors because the next best thing could be waiting around the corner. If an agent requests an exclusive, get it in writing as to how long it will last. My feeling is that anything more than a couple months is unreasonable.

Then again, I could just be a sore loser…

3 Comments | Uncategorized | Permalink
Posted by lynnpricewrites

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