Why is it that virtually every author who has stated, “I’ve read your submission guidelines and KNOW my book is a perfect fit” isn’t a fit at all? It’s just like when an author tells me her work is really funny. Invariably it’s as humorous as stepping on the beagle’s tail. In other words, if you have to tell me, chances are you’re not going to convince me at all because you haven’t shown me.
It’s one thing to feel in your heart that your book fits with an agent of publisher, but to advertise it is useless redundancy, and wastes space and time. For starters, we assume that anyone querying us has read our guidelines, so we don’t need to be told that your books “fits.” This is useless palaver that makes me impatient for the author to get on with the business of telling me about their book.
And while I’m at it, the same can be said for introductions. This is a query letter, not a business letter where you need to introduce yourself. You’re a writer, I’m an editor, so let’s dispense of the introductions and get on with telling me what your book is about. For the most part, personalized paragraphs make my eyes glaze over. I don’t mean to sound cranky but I have a pile of queries and submissions awaiting my attention.
Time is money, baby. I already know how mahvelous Behler Publications is. I already know that. I don’t need to be told how sincere I sound on our website. All kidding aside, I am extremely sincere. The only being who needs to be reminded of that is the beagle, and I gave up on her ages ago. Remember…I have no soul and can’t be amused by conventional means.
And speaking of useless redundancy, please don’t quote parts of my website back to me. I wrote the darn thing; I know what it says.
And kindly save your publishing credits and CV info for the end of the query. We are here for one thing; your book. So please, for the love of a sober beagle, lead your query with your pitch. And those of you with publishing credits, kindly list who published your book(s). Don’t make me go look it up. Now that makes me cranky.
In a word, keep it short, keep it simple. There’s a difference between useless compliments and those who really are familiar with our company because they read some of our books. Nothing sez lovin’ like an author who acts like a professional. Mmmm mm.