Writing Beagle Style

April 11, 2013
Escape Artist

Escape Artist

Anyone who has ever had a beagle knows they live to smell. And they like to take their time doing it. Our rescue beagles have this sniff and process thing down to science, which means they can sniff one spot for five minutes which means they take their time so they can soak it all in…

…which means they’re not in any rush, and this leads me to the other morning’s fun and games. One of the rescue beagles managed to snork out of her harness and made a break for freedom after she managed to wrap herself around a tree. Meanwhile, dragging the second rescue beagle behind her, a horrified Pricey took off in hot pursuit after the escaped rescue beagle – who was having the time of her life. Mind you, hot pursuit is an endeavor I’d hoped to avoid for the rest of my life.

The ultimate insult is that she knew what she was doing. Little rat would wait until I’d almost reached her, then she’d throw back her head and laugh, and take off again. Thoughts of murder were racing through my oxygen-starved brain.

But her glee in striking out for freedom had its drawbacks. Instead of lollygagging over a spot for five minutes to process every nuance, she was forced to speed sniff in order to stay one step aheand of my grips. She’s still on smell overload, and it serves her right.

I see lots of speed sniffing in many submissions. The writing appears is rushed and green, and it’s obvious the author didn’t take the time to stop and analyze each scent. I wish, wish, wish, more authors would s-l-o-w down. Just because you’ve written The End doesn’t mean it’s ready for query. Instead, think about writing Beagle style. Stop and sniff the spots in the forest. Process every scent, every nuance so that you are confident you have the story you intended to write.

I always recommend that writers toss their newly finished books aside for a few weeks. It’s only with fresh eyes that you can spot the rough patches. You only get once chance to make a first impression, so don’t blow it by sending a manuscript that hasn’t had the chance to marinate and age. I can always tell when an author has written Beagle style. The writing glows and warms my evil soul into a puddle of goo. And isn’t that the reaction you want from an editor?

As for the rescue beagle, I finally snatched the little breakout artist when she stopped to bark at another dog and its pissed-off owner. Over all, not a good way to start my morning, but a great way to get my blackened, soulless heart pumping.


Where Does Pricey Live? The Beagle Tells All

September 8, 2012


When beagles won’t walk in the rain…

October 5, 2011

 

They get threatened…


The beagle has taken over…

July 16, 2011

Want to know what this says? You can only read it on a barcode scanner on your smart phone. Heh. Heh.

You can create your own barcode here. Think of it – you can say all sorts of naughty things (because I’m a beagle, and that’s what I do), and no one would know what you were saying unless they had the barcode program on their phone. I d/loaded a freebie barcode scanner program on my cell phone.

Ahh…the beagle mind doth runneth…

-The Beagle

P.S. The first one who figures it out wins a free beagle purse.


Why the beagle loves Thanksgiving

November 28, 2010

Forget answering phones - give me dirty dishes


There’s pampered, then there’s pampered…

November 16, 2010

The beagle is making out her Christmas list early…

For $699, she thinks it’s a real bargain. I think she’s been sniffing airplane glue again.


I get no respect

November 9, 2010

Yes, I am ignoring you. Go away.


Beagle Halloween conundrum

October 30, 2010

So the beagle thought she had her outfit all picked out but decided there some others that looked appealing as well.

Reflects my sentiments after she ate two pairs of my socks


She looks stupid. I like the idea.

Exemplifies her true personality – ergo eating my socks

Sponge bob beagle pants


Sir Beagle Lot

Not a chance. Looks too cute. Cute = too much candy

What her German Shepherd friends are recommending

Where she really belongs…

So there it is. While I’m giving a seminar in Palm Springs, the beagle will be trying on lots of costumes. Personally, I think she should stay home and pass out candy.


Not all dogs are worthless sloths…

September 6, 2010

…like some beagles I know. Some dogs actually know how to do their jobs.


Going, going, gone

August 16, 2010

It’s that time of year again when all good college students return to their campuses so they can learn smart-learnin’ stuff and not be a burden to their parents in their old age. I’ve left the beagle in charge while I’m gone the rest of this week. I’ve instructed her to behave and not let things get out of hand. Till next week…!


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