It’s the little things – #color-me-annoyed

#color-me-annoyed:  When I see three different fonts in your query letter, I know you’ve cut and pasted – which is no big deal – but boy, is it ever annoying and unprofessional looking. It’s the literary equivalent of your bra strap sloughing down your arm.

#color-me-annoyed:  When you write your pitch, you don’t need to litter Wikipedia links throughout. Truly, I know what a Japanese woman is, I know where Belfast is, and I do know what happened at Dunkirk in WW II. Not only do these ridiculous links make your pitch hard to read, but I begin to wonder if you’re trying to sell a story or give a history lesson. Avoid this. Really.

#color-me-annoyed:  “My book compares to Eat, Pray, Love…” Shoot me now and blind me with eye bleach. In the past week, I’ve had no fewer than fifteen manuscripts use this as a title comp.

Note to authors:  Avoid comparing your books to  JKR’s Harry Potter series, Dan Brown and his DaVinci Code, or Elizabeth Gilbert’s E,P,L. They did it. In fact, they own it. You do not compare. Really.

#color-me-annoyed:  You put this in your query – “I would like it printed in standard memoir size (6” x 9”).” Guess what? The trim size isn’t your call – nor is 6 x 9 “standard” memoir size.

#color-me-scared:  “I plan on querying you the minute I finish writing my book.” Noooo…please, Oh Holy and Wise Cosmic Muffin, let this not be the case. Please intervene and let the book marinate for a spell, and then let the author go back and revise. The only fresh thing I want is a margarita…

Really.

6 Responses to It’s the little things – #color-me-annoyed

  1. NinjaFingers says:

    …wikipedia? Really?

  2. If they think you need wikipedia to read a pitch, it doesn’t bode well for what help you’ll need to read the book.

  3. Kim Kircher says:

    I hear you on the margarita.

  4. Digital Dame says:

    RE: the last note, “color-me-scared”: if they’re not done with the book, and they’re not querying you, what exactly are they contacting you about?

  5. The fact that they’re going to query me (or anyone) while the cyber ink is still wet rather than taking the time to put it away for a bit before going in and doing revisions. No one’s work is ready to query the minute they write “The End.” It’ll probably need a few go-throughs first.

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