Behler Blog

“Rules, rules, rules! Why should I care so much about POV switches and using too many adjectives and adverbs? The average reader will never notice! You’re simply too picky.”

That was an author’s reply to a critique I’d included with a rejection. She’s right –  I am indeed picky. And she’s also half-right about the fact that readers may not notice. But here is why she’s mostly wrong.

Who Is Gonna Read Your Book?

The problem with this author’s comment is her lack of vision. She assumes her readers are all pleasure readers and, therefore, don’t care about syntax and structure. Hmm. You know what they say about “ass-u-me,” right?

In truth, readers’ educational background and knowledge of the English language vary a great deal. Does this mean we write to the lowest common denominator, or do we write to a higher standard? It may be that many won’t care about the overuse of adverbs – Lucy totally, absolutely loved her fabulously yellow car [yeech] – but there are a large populace who whose eyes would glaze over at a book filled with this kind of writing. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?

What if that reader is a reviewer? They’ll pull out their razor-sharp scalpel and cut you a new orifice. What if that reader happens to be an editor who bought your book while on their way to Hawaii? They’ll throw your book to the sand crabs and go buy a copy of National Geographic just to get the bad taste out of their mouth.

What if the reader is simply Joe or Jane Reader who is put off by blocks of character description that interrupts the flow of the story? Or they care that you overuse em dashes and ellipses? Or that you use more tell vs. show in your writing? The end result with all these scenarios is that the overall opinion of your book won’t be positive.

Let’s Be Perfectly Clear

The reason you should care about the rules is for the sake of clarity. You want your readers to understand what you’ve written.

POV Switches: POV switches within the same scene, or even in the same paragraph [god forbid] can be horrendously confusing because the reader looses sight of who’s head they’re supposed to be in. Head-hopping is a newbie problem that can only be done in the hands of an fabulous writer. Author Janice Eidus [The War of the Rosens] is just such an author, and I believe it was Kirkus who paid special notice of how deftly she used her POV switches. Janice is a brilliant writer, and readers are crazy not to rush out and buy her tender, heart-warming book.

Comma usage: Improper comma usage is another small thing that can bring clarity or confusion to a sentence, forcing the reader to re-read the sentence. In my mind, that’s a sin against the Reading Gods. If you don’t know how to use them, then how are you going to effectively tell your story?

Adverbs: Yes, I lean on our friend, the adverb, quite a bit and it’s because they are so seductive. I consider them the Antonio Banderas of writing. They’re sexy, handsome, and soooo easy on the eye and, before you know it, your writing is filled with adverbs that crowd, clutter, and irritate your readers. Not that Antonio ever could…

A manuscript filled with adverbs is overkill and there are plenty of readers who get to the point where they shout, “Yes! I get it, the car is wonderful and the character loves it. No need to stick fifteen adverbs in there to say so.”

The Evil Gatekeepers

The last reason authors should give a rat’s patootie about rules is those evil gatekeepers – agents and editors. See, you can rail against the unfairness of it all and be righteously indignant, but it’s not going to amount to a hill of lima beans if you can’t get past us.

We are your first readers. If you can’t get past us, you can’t reach those “unconcerned” readers. You may be happy in your belief that readers don’t care about our nitpicky concerns, and there are many vanity publishers who are thrilled to support you in that endeavor. But the main deal is this; ya gotta get past us. We care because it’s our $$ on the line. Agents care because they need to sell manuscripts to make $$.

So while we may be too picky for your tastes, we have a host of reasons as to why we’re that way. It’s what keeps our books on store shelves and in readers’ hands. And it’s what keeps readers saying nice things about our books.

Lastly, since when is “good enough” an excuse? If you receive a critique that points out weaknesses in your writing, your reaction shouldn’t be, “you’re too picky!” It should be a giant “thank you for pointing out some problems I wasn’t aware existed.”

There is one consistent mistake I see writers make in their writing; knowing the difference between who and whom. I’m not going to get all technical English-y here because I’m all about making things easy to remember.

Whom takes a direct object – Whom do you love?
Who refers to the subject of a clause – Who ate my Twinkie?

I can hear you now: “Argh! Subject? Direct object? Whyohwhy didn’t I pay better attention in sophomore English class?”

Here’s a helpful hint:

• “Who/whom do I thank for these Twinkies?”
  The answer: “I thank him.”

• Who/Whom ate my Twinkie?
  The answer: “He did.”
  

Remember:
Him/Her = whom
He/She = who

Substitution method
Or you can substitute personal pronouns (he/him, she/her) for who/whom. I like this because it’s helpful in more complex sentences. You may have to alter the sentence around.

Example:

• Lola, my secretary, is an unreliable beagle who got the job because she’s cute. (She got the job because she’s cute.)
  

• I would have preferred hiring the UPS man whom I lust after because he has a hairy chest. (I lust after him because he has a hairy chest.)
  

Here’s a tougher one:

• The office argued over who they felt would make the better secretary. (Did I fool anyone? In this case (getting technical here) the entire clause is the object of the preposition. This is why I like substitution. They thought he would make a better secretary.)
  

So what about whoever and whomever? Same rules apply.

• Since half the office wanted Mr. Hairy Chest and the other half wanted the beagle, I decided to keep whoever bought me Twinkies on a regular basis. (He bought me Twinkies on a regular basis.)

Okay, I could have said “I decided to keep him” (which would make it “whomever”), but the phrase “He bought me Twinkies” is the object of the preposition “keep.” So, it’s “whoever.”)

• The beagle stomped out and said, “Hire whomever you want. I’m going out for a latte.” (“Hire him.”)

“Bertha Bloodhound collapses in front of the Dunkin’ Donuts in order to say goodbye to Fatsy Spatsy, her childhood love, that dumped her for Zelda Crumbrunner.”

Of course, that bolded word should be who. I know it’s a silly thing, but I see this all the time, and it bothers me. It’s a writer’s job to communicate properly, and this includes knowing proper grammar. If you’re talking about a person, it’s who. If you’re talking about a thing, it’s that. Capice?