Birthdays are a time for discounts

May 13, 2011

So I wrote about my upcoming milestone birthday in a previous post and pondered how best to celebrate turning fifty-effing-five.

DISCOUNTS!

The beagle lopped of the price of her cover art purses by $5.50. So large purses will cost $54.50 and the small one will cost $39.50.

Click to enlarge

She says that even if you don’t have cover art, you can still play. Do you have a couple favorite family photos? They make fun purses.

Or what about advertising your business? Or your photography?

You don’t have to be an author to have a cool one-of-a-kind bag. Oh, and the beagle says that you can order them as a shoulder bag as well.

So that’s it. If you’re interested, just go to I Can Haz Purse and follow the pathetically easy instructions. The beagle insists that satisfaction is guaranteed. I told her not to worry – the sales teams and our fellow publishers that we met in New York freaked out over my bag and wanted to order some for their authors.


Behler Publications – home of the drummers

December 21, 2009

So I got this email from a company who hosts drumming circles. It’s supposed to enhance our calm. Yes, I’m talking about sitting all kumbaya-like and doing some interactive drumming so we’ll go on to lead healthy, stable lives. I’m told that:

In Africa and in many other cultures around the world, before any major tribal decision is made, the community gathers together at the center of the village to make music.

Now this just has me in a fit of giggles. I can see our sales teams, distributor, our publicist, and CEO with our posteriors planted on a hemp rug making music. Problem is, I think everyone would be singing a different song. Who needs drums when you have…

“Will it make moneeeeyyyy, tra-la-la?” [Banga-bang-bang]

“Sign the damn contraaaact, doobie-dobbie-do!” [Bangity-bang-bang]

“Gimmie their plaaaatform, whackado whackado!” [Banga-boom-bang]

“What’s the projected releeeease daaate, humba chumba!” [Banga-hunka-thunka-bang]

“Rowwwwwwl!” [contributions from the beagle] Bang-bang (the beagle has no sense of rhythm)

Crikey, that’s not music. It’s jazz* And knowing my luck, we’d have the cops called on us. I thought this bit was a particularly interesting selling point:

The experience of drumming in a group is unique, and it leaves an impression. People are sure to go home talking about how their corporate group was transformed into an instant orchestra!

Heh, yes indeedy. “Hey, Norma, Overworked and Underpaid Editor has finally gone ’round the bend. Instead of waving her evil red pen about the office and screeching about the final hard read before print runs, she’s chanting. ‘Hooba dooba, get that manuscript read-a!’ I tell ya, Norma, it’s downright scary.”

Indeed. Look, I’m as touchy feely as an avacodo sandwich, and I like my karmageddon lifestyle. It has a sense of symmetry and poetic debauchery. So I suppose I’ll simply delete this email that I suspect the beagle forwarded to me on her private account. But hey, if any of you get frustrated with your POV or character development, take it from us, check the best electronic drums review for 2017 | DrumsDude and go bang a drum!

*apologies to jazz lovers.


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